Shine Your Light
From Rebecca Campbell’s Oracle Deck: Work Your Light Oracle Cards
When I was younger, I longed to find my place, to fit in somewhere, to have a group of friends that I could truly be myself with, find myself with, and not constantly worry about judgment, rejection, or being permanently cast out of the friendship circle.
I suspect you may have felt the same.
I was told, especially when I was coming into adolescence, that I was “too loud” or “obnoxious”. Ouch. I was still young enough that I felt pretty comfortable in my own skin, my inherent self worth still intact, but that was incompatible with wanting to fit in and hearing that I was “too much”. The people that I wanted so desperately to accept me into their fold were saying these things, so they must be true, right? Unfortunately it took several decades for me to realize that they did not determine my worth. I did.
I dimmed my light. I got quieter. I made myself smaller in some ways and tried to fit myself into the boxes I thought would make me more appealing to others. I shared less of myself, sometimes to the point of lying. I did what I thought I was supposed to do to be accepted and part of groups of people I admired. And sometimes, there would be a person or sometimes, even people, who I would share my light with, people who could appreciate it and felt safe to shine their lights back at me.
It took a very long time, but I realized that when my light shined too bright, it sometimes reminded people that they had been dimming their own. And that made them really uncomfortable and they needed to protect themselves with their judgment of my behavior. I realized that I could never truly be happy or find the community I longed for until I leaned in and accepted my authentic self. And sometimes ya’ll, my authentic self is A LOT, and sometimes she is loud and excitable, and sometimes she is more than some people can handle. And that is okay.
The truth of it is that the discomfort of others is not my responsibility to manage. My responsibility is to be the most me that I can. To be the most authentic self I can be. And by extension, that will provide space for other people to shine their lights and be the most themselves they can be when they are with me.
What’s that quote, “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member?” I feel the opposite. I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would require me or anyone else to be someone other than their truest self to join. This full Harvest Moon, I invite you to celebrate your authentic self. To love and accept her/him/them with all of your being. To let go of needing to fit into spaces that would require you to abandon that self. Embrace that self and shine your brightest light without restriction.
